Wholesome books scare me somehow (feat. The Kinfolk Table by Nathan Williams)
This is not a review. It’s more of a confession before I can start the book, The Kinfolk Table by Nathan Williams.
I actually read the first page. And flipped a few more. It’s idyllic and calm and heart-filling. It’s got food (I talked about in the previous blog I much I love reading food in books), it’s got friendship, it’s got peace. This is not too far from expected for books like this. Nothing unseen before.
But something still scares me. I can’t quite go beyond the first page. And it’s just the first page! What’s with the hold up??
I will say — the first page won my heart. It shares a simple little backstory of how the author has a carefree approach to preparing and eating home-cooked dinners with friends as opposed to the pretentious bells and whistles entailed by usual dinner parties. Seeing people live slowly and wholeheartedly in their lives inspired me. It was beautiful to see how nothing mattered and everything mattered all at once.
Once again (as my previous blog’s featured book Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince), I am reading this book in Korean edition. And once again, I'm captivated by the language magic sparked by the translations.
Instead of reading the book, I have been browsing the internet to buy it instead. Where can I buy this book? How much is it? Where can I purchase my own Korean edition version? How much is that? My mind is busy trying to let me have this book even before I can experience it. I borrowed this from my local library, and my due date is still far from here. But why am I growing impatient? Why can’t I just sit down and read this from cover to cover now for free? Why do I want to buy this, only for the shiny new book to end up sitting pretty in my bookshelf without being read for at least the next few years (book hoarding is another confession of mine… shhh!)
After some pondering and reflecting, I came to a conclusion: I am scared to read this book. I am scared because I am in awe of its tranquil and quiet joy. It’s true. I think it would be totally logical for me to dive right into the book and devour all the joy, but that’s not what I’m doing. Also, now that I type my thoughts out like this, I think that does not feel like the way I would honor this book neither.
So why be scared of experiencing this book while wanting to have it?
I think it’s because I don’t know how to have that kind of quiet joy in the company of others in my own life.
As beautiful as it is to pass the time in slow laughter, it is also magical to do so with others who know you, whom you know, those who love you, and those you care about. Togetherness creates a different kind of calming happiness than what solitude can offer.
Because I don’t know how to have that kind of experience myself, the easiest way to have it is to literally have it aka purchase the book. (What a cop out! What a coward!)
The important point of all this though is that I have clarity now (writing does that for me, and I’m grateful). I understand I how feel. I’m not mad nor judgy. I just want what I want, and I want peaceful beauty of life. And that is totally fine, if not such a wonderful thing.
I will read this book now. I will hold off on compensating for the reading experience with shopping and hoarding. I am confident I will share calming joy with others in my life some time in the future, so there is no need to fear.
Ok, I’m going to go read this book.
Thumbnail photo information:
Brought from Amazon listing of the said book:
https://www.amazon.com/Kinfolk-Table-Nathan-Williams/dp/1579655327
Brought from the original cover photo, for which I believe the copyright belongs to Parker Fitzgerald
Copyrights to the book belongs to Nathan Williams