Trying powerful things little by little

I’m someone who has so many interests that it is hard to decide which one to try first and how much and by the time I realize what I’m doing I find myself doing too much at once and giving up. Given such fact, I empathize so deeply with Sylvia Plath’s quote about the fig tree from her novel The Bell Jar.

Patience and prioritization put far far away did I spend much of my time. Why? Because I have a huge FOMO (fear of missing out). I only live once, so how can I afford to miss out on all things shiny and beautiful and interesting? My intents came from a good heart, I know. It has taken me long long years to see how that good heart had been misdirected after all.

I am slowing down on purpose. I get rid of distractions such as multitasking and new sources of inspiration, even books. I try something new and formidable. Something I don’t have to think about how it works. That, for me, is running. I like to lean into the placebo effect of all the science of running and exercise and anecdotes of health benefits and runner’s high. I like to think that my body knows how to make it feel good without my brain explaining to me why all the time.

It helps me not think. It helps me only focus on running. Actually I can’t help but to only focus on running because my knees are hurting during gradual incline and my breath is pacing on and off.

One foot forward at a time. That’s the rhythm I like to swing myself from present to next-second future. Monotasking is the mantra I try to remember in my head.

Little by little, I shall indulge myself. Little by little, I shall let it influence me. Slowly but surely I shall notice parts of me unfamiliar yet lovely.