A gift of kindness and accepting it as is

The definition of kindness jumped around a lot for me growing up. What is kindness? Is it a letter my friends gave me on my birthday? Is it a bowl of soup my family made me when I said I missed it? Is it a “feel better” message from my roommate when I let them know I fell sick?

What is kindness?

That question somehow came with a string of other questions such as:

Why are they doing this? What are they trying to say from their actions? Have I caused inconveniences by having them do these for me? Who am I to them?

Who am I?

This is where answers start to appear.

I am scared that I am not good enough a friend to my friends for them to remember my birthday . I am worried that I stressed out my family by saying I wanted something. I am stressed that I annoyed my roommate with the possibility of spreading the germs.

I am anxiety.

So it’s actually the definition and exploration of “what am I to this kindness” that’s been jumping around.

It can be really hard to process all my feelings and thoughts to come to clarity. It can take a while. Nevertheless, I would rather take a long way than be lost forever.

So I take a long way to clarity.

Clarity tells me these:

Receive the letter as is. Drink the soup as is. Read the text message as is.

Say thank you.

What if there is actually a backstory behind your friends, family, and roommate? What if the friends did forget and scramble at the last minute to find the cheapest card and scribble something without thinking a lot about it? What if the family did go around shop to shop trying to find your soup and felt that their time could have been spent more usefully? What if the roommate is paranoid about getting sick from you and wants to stay away from you as long as they can?

Don’t worry about it now.

A letter is a letter. A soup is a soup. A text message is a text message.

They did something for you.

Appreciate what they did for you. Don’t try to read their mind. (Even if you did and got it right, there is nothing you can do about what goes on inside other people’s heads, right?)

Right now, there is only that letter, that soup, and that text in your hand. That’s all that matters right now.

Trust in the act of kindness, small and large.

Trust in yourself to be worthy to receive it.

Practice receiving kindness as is.

Let the backstories unfold later. It’s not your baggage to read their minds and interpret actions and situations according to their definitions.

Let’s just appreciate the now as is with an open heart and self-compassion.